Crazy Pyrex Lady

If you live in the Portland area, I highly recommend you make your way over to Stars Antique mall in Sellwood. Two buildings, tons of booths, and several hours later, you’ll feel a great sense of shoppers satisfaction. Even if you don’t buy anything, it’s impossible to walk away without feeling inspired. So get ready.

This is where Matt and I were the other day. Just browsing. And like always when perusing the aisles of any second-hand type merchandise, I keep a sharp look out for any Pyrex. We had just begun our journey, when a middle aged couple came around the corner. The woman with her arms filled with Pyrex nesting bowls.

Stopping dead in my tracks, I gave Matt’s sleeve a good tug and hissed,

“What is she DOING carrying around those Pyrex nesting bowls!?”

She didn’t even notice me staring her down like a chicken establishing pecking order. (See picture)

Pecking OrderMatt responds: “Woah, yeah look at her!”

So we watched her for a while. As she traveled from booth to booth, she would carefully eye each and every item, touching every single dish that looked like it could be Pyrex.

Me (feeling dreadfully low): “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Matt: “I know…she’s like a crazy Pyrex lady or something.

Me (whispering): “She’s the Crazy Pyrex Lady…”

Matt and I have a plan of attack when it comes to taking-down other Pyrex shoppers working our way through stores like this. We work the perimeter and then walk up and down the center aisles. It so happens, Crazy Pyrex Lady was taking the same path. And we were behind her. I stealthily kept my eyes on her at all times, looking through racks of old fur coats and displays of mason jars with scrabble tiles in them.

Me: “Ugh.”

Me (in my head): “We gotta get ahead of them.”

Me: “Yes, yes we do.”

I trotted past them quickly, while she was distracted looking at Fire King dishware (Oh! What a novice!).

Energized, feeling like I had just blood-doped, I soared through those booths, new energy, new lease on Pyrex-life. I got excited about a few items that I found. A mint-condition yellow-speckled pie plate. But it was $35. NO WAY. Crazy Pyrex Lady can have that.

Other than that…I found nothing. Nothing. Crazy Pyrex Lady must have been here before me. What if she was on her second round? Every once and a while they would catch up with us. I would eye her loot and then give Matt the “See what I’m SAYIN’!!” stare.

Well, Crazy Pyrex Lady left. Or so I assume since she disappeared. Matt and I came to the end of a full circle, stopping right where we first began. When all the sudden my tired eyes focused on a shelf of bowls. A shelf that I hid behind and peered from, when we first began stalking Crazy Pyrex Lady. There, sitting pretty, were two blue-band Pyrex cereal bowls. A sought after addition to any Pyrex collection. I gently picked them up in my hand…lifted them to eye level and sighed. For only a couple bucks a piece, they would be mine. I tilted my head back…and laughed and laughed and laughed. Shaking my hair slightly as I did so.

When I was done with this weird ritual, red faced and thrilled, I turned to Matt. He was staring at me. Mouth slightly open, very weirded out. Suddenly I realized…

I am Crazy Pyrex Lady.

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